Weight Management for Professionals & Dieters

Here is something we use in our center 
 
Open Letter to the Spouse/Parent/Friend of a Dieter 
 
 
 
The Bariatrician, American Journal Of Bariatric Medicine. Volume 25, No. 1, p.12-13 
 
 
 
 
 
You may think that this is a rather unconventional thing to do, appealing to someone who is close to a dieter for help, but certain things need to be said, or all their efforts could possibly be for nothing. For this reason, please carefully read everything that follows. All the things mentioned in this letter do not apply in every case, but they are used as examples of things that could go wrong. 
 
It is obvious that no one holds an overweight person down and makes him or her overeat. In 99 percent of the cases, the person who is overweight is that way because he or she eats more food than is burned. What is not so obvious is the effect that the home and work environments have on the overweight individual. Numerous scientific experiments have pointed out, time and time again, that the surrounding and external influence on an overweight person have more to do with his or her problem eating behavior than the internal cues of hunger have ever had. 
 
A large majority of overweight persons never experience a true feeling of hunger or satiety (lack of hunger) in the way that an individual of normal weight does. Certain experiments have shown that cues, such as elapsed time from the most recent meal, odors, sight of food (watching TV and eating), being in a certain location, and being emotionally upset will trigger massive food intake at times. These cues can make even the most compliant dieter vulnerable to problem eating impulses. 
 
You may be asking yourself, “What does all this have to do with me?” It is not my problem. He (or she) should be able to diet by will power alone! Why involve me at all? If she (or he) does not do well, the overeating is not my fault. Nothing could be further from the truth. You are important, in fact, more important that most of the people in this dieter’s life, or you would not be reading this now. If you are truly interested in helping the dieter, please take what is said here on faith for a while and see for yourself whether or not it is true.  
 
It may be changing your own lifestyle a bit, but the results will be worthwhile. To begin with, never criticize the dieter for not dieting properly, or for his or her eating habits. Ridicule, teasing, taunting, or other verbal abuse does not stop an undesirable behavior. It most likely will only make him or her want to eat more than before. You may have to bite your tongue to do so, but only comment on desirable eating behavior. If the patient is not breaking the diet, then comment on how good that behavior is. If a lapse does occur, which it will, the less said, the better. In the long run, positive reinforcement techniques work better for compliance to a diet plan. To repeat, even if you see something don incorrectly, please say nothing. 
 
Since seeing or smelling food can be important in producing undesirable eating behavior, the dieter needs to “fat-proof” his or her dwelling. This means that all junk food that might be tempting must be cleaned out. For the rest of your family or social group, it might mean going out to get ice cream and refusing to eat it, or something equally tempting, in front of the dieter. To eat such goodies in front of someone on a diet is an act of cruelty. 
 
Many families are used to eating together, but the dieter may decided not to eat with you if distress is caused by sitting and watching other eat. He or she may simply eat quickly and then get right up from the table after finishing, even if others have not yet stopped eating. Many dieters are pickers, and if such a person remains at the table, it will be difficult not to nibble at one thing or another. Please be understanding, and at a later date, when dieting efforts have been successful, normal table behavior may be restarted.  
 
A dieter may have to stay away from problem places, such as pizza parlors, taco stands, spaghetti houses, hamburger stands, take-out fried chicken stores, doughnut parlors, and other equally tempting dens of obese iniquity. Please do not bring this type of food home or order by phone and tempt the dieter. The result is usually disastrous and is equivalent to tempting an alcoholic to go into a bar, or to bringing him or her a bottle of whiskey. No thinking and caring person would do that to an alcoholic, but lots of people will try to “feed” a dieter. 
 
What this message boiled down to is that the dieter is weak and does have some bad habits, but he or she is worth any and all efforts to help save them from the life-shortening effect of obesity. You and other may be inconvenienced a little, but surely you can tolerate these minor annoyances for a while. 
 
About one of every hundred dieters is faced with open or hidden sadism, or mental illness, on the part of his or her spouse or a relative. A certain type of person seems to feed on the misery of others, particularly of those who are overweight. One example is the husband who keeps his wife fat because of insecurity or other related reasons. He feels secure because she is so obese that no one else would have her. When his wife tries to lose weight, such a man becomes anxious and tries to get her to go off the diet by tempting her, annoying her, or by otherwise sabotaging her efforts. As she gets closer to her lower goal weight, he becomes more and more anxious and insecure, and will resort to physical abuse, verbal assaults, and as a last desperate effort, may cut off her funds so that she cannot continue her weight program. For those who stick it out and continue the diet program, there is sometimes divorce, usually coming on the heels of an increasing amount of verbal and physical abuse. 
 
Victims may also be husbands of insecure wives, or children of insecure parents. Some men are victims of a bullying, feeding wife. These women try to get and keep what they want, a husband so fat and unattractive that no one else would want him. 
 
In summary, you and others who have close contact with the dieter have more influence on him or her then you could ever realize. Without your total assistance and support, the dieter will more than likely fail. The attitude that “food is love” is widespread. The idea is still strong in many people, that by giving food you accept love, and by rejecting that food you also reject that love. You can, however, show love in ways not related to food. Try flowers and small inedible gifts to show affection and love. They work just as well and last a lot longer! 
 

Hi Randall -  
 
Thank you so much for posting that in response to this week's question. It eloquently states things that are not always convenient and may not be easy for the dieter to relay to others. It really is a powerful letter that I think can be enlightening to both dieters and their friends and family. 
 
Do you generally use that as a guideline for dieters to create their own letter, or do you have them pass it along to family members and friends? What kind of response have you found from using it?  
 
Thanks again for posting - I really think that many of our blog readers will find that extremely useful to give to their family members/use in their own centers! 
 
-Kelli

Having been on my diet for over three months now, I have had to deal with severe temptations, not only in my home but in my work environment. I own a restaurant and I have been the main cook for 14 years. Suddenly all of the food I make looks extremely delicious!  
 
 
 
The way that I deal with it is by keeping a water bottle always near my side, drinking plenty of water. I drink my shakes every 3 1/2 hours consistently.  
 
If temptation starts to overcome me...I drink my soup or even have another drink right away.  
 
 
 
Within minutes, the temptation for food passes. Even when I think it won’t, it always does. Sometimes I take a quick walk just to remove myself from the situation. It does wonders!  
 
 
 
I don’t sit down with my family at their meals right now. And that is OK for me.  
 
It is hard enough to cook all day, then come home and cook my children a meal and then to have to sit and watch them eat! My goodness! That is my time to remove myself for a while.  
 
 
 
One of the things I noticed is that the hunger that I feel at times isn’t in my stomach, it is in my brain. Once I figured that out, I started changing that thought by doing something different for myself, gardening, reading and plenty of walking.  
 
 
 
 
 
I am 35 lbs lighter and I haven’t felt this good in 25 years! I feel blessed and I remind myself every day how lucky I am to be able to get a hold of myself.  
 
It takes a strong mind, mind over matter…it is definitely possible! 
 

Michelle -  
 
I have to say, it sounds to me like you've worked extremely hard to come up with ways to resist the temptations around you (and, working in the restaurant business, I'm sure there are plenty)!  
 
Thank you so much for sharing! I hope that other dieters reading your response will come to some of the same realizations that you have. As I read, I found myself nodding in affirmation to many of the points you brought up - especially that hunger is sometimes in your mind and not in your stomach.  
 
I want commend you on your success and wish you the best of luck in the future! 
 
Thanks again for sharing - I think other dieters who read this will find it extremely helpful in their own journey! 
 
-Kelli